Do you know how when you've waited so long for something to happen?
Something you've always prayed would happen and then because it took some time, you begin to sway from hope to desperation to frustration and back again?
And when at long last, it comes to you - the dream, right before your eyes, all you have to do is grab it, taste it, make it yours, but you stop midway, because you begin to think - WHAT IF ?
The great 'what if' - two words that have deterred men from pursuing their dreams, two words that have paralyzed future heroes and reduced them to mere civilians, two words that have made people blind to their greatness.
What if i fail?
What if this is just a big farce?
What if I fall short?
What if?
They say, 'fear is at the gate of your destiny.' So maybe, fear has been waiting this whole time to ambush you just when you're getting so close to your destiny. And as if it isn't enough, when you let fear stop you and you go back, a new friend welcomes you - Regret, and this spurs another round of what-if's:
What if I just went for it?
What if I just took the chance?
What if I just leapt?
What if?
Then you begin to feel cowardly and stupid and idiotic for letting an opportunity go, so when another opportunity comes along, you won't recognize its face until it's too late. Then, the cycle repeats all over again, and you're falling in a downward spiral. Then your head begins to fill up with all these rubbish descriptions you have of yourself - loser, coward, inadequate, stupid, etc.
But I always believe that the mind should never be made into a trash can, it sounds nicer when said in Filipino though - huwag gawing basurahan ang utak. So we sweep trash off, make the mind clean, vomit out all the rubbish and replace it with this:
"Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby.
Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth!
You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women." God says so!
"Clear lots of ground for your tents!
Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!
Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep.
You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family.
You're going to take over whole nations;
you're going to resettle abandoned cities.
Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed.
Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.
You'll forget all about the humiliations of your youth,
and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory.
For your Maker is your bridegroom,
his name, God-of-the-Angel-Armies!
Your Redeemer is The Holy of Israel,
known as God of the whole earth.
(Isaiah 54)
I don't know what's going to happen next. But if fear is before me, maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm nearing my destiny, so maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't give up yet. And maybe, just maybe, I'm going to do great (hahahah! XD) Plus, at the end of the day, there should be no reason for me to be afraid. God said I'm not going to be humiliated, I'm not going to fall short. For sure, I can trust His word. I'm going to be blown away about what He has in store for me, I'm sure.
Future, you better look out for me!!! Cause I'm coming!!!! =p
