Beginning to Wonder

I'm beginning to ask if there's a place for me here (in the Philippines). I've repeatedly heard people say that there is no market for researchers here, that there is no other place for you than the academe, that you can't make use of your course here, that the best possible option is to be a med student or be "stuck" as a teacher (which I differ with, call me naive, but I think teaching is one of the noblest jobs ever and should never be looked down on), that you will not be compensated enough here, that it will be better to work abroad, that you have no future here, etc. etc. etc. I suppose, ultimately, that there is no hope for you here - a "sayang-tist."
 
But is it such a sin to be an optimist in a "third-world, corrupt country" with a course that's "only as good as a pre-med, which no one understands"?
 
Can't I continue to believe that I have something to contribute with the line of work I chose?
 
Can't I have faith that my Philippines will rise up as a country that truly worships God and is the best in the world?
 
Please. Just let me believe. Just let me hope. Just let me dream. No matter how "insane and improbable" they are. Don't make me waver, because I really am trying to be strong. 
 
There is no trace of brilliance around me. I have no proof to say, "hey, I made it." There is no success story to speak of, no Latin honors attached to my name, no doctor or attorney or what-nots to call me with, no fame or fortune, no breakthrough discovery or earth-shaking research. Simply, C--- C---- Y--- L----, B.S. MBB, God's daughter.
 
So, being an optimist (or a naive, insane person, whichever you wish), just let me say: I am a testimony-in-the-making.  

Self Talk

it has been a long time has it not? surely...You were waiting for me. 

But I will come. I promise you. I will.

I'm sorry it's taken long for me to spring back.  

but I will meet with You again.

***

there was a time when i thought i can do anything, that anything is possible and that i can overcome all

several bruises, disappointments, discouragements, tears, wounds and broken bones later...

i still think i could because of You  

when You never give up, i think that i could not and should not too.

***

it's time to rise above again.  

it's time to soar high again.

it's time to dream big again.

you can do this! GOGOGOGO!!!

remember, you're source is GREATER, HIGHER and BIGGER than anything...

you're destination is GREATER, HIGHER and BIGGER than all the pain and struggles of falling down.

we will get there.