Those Days...

There are days when it seems that

the heart beats ever so slow

until it stops.

Breathe.

That the instruments play but

there is 

no music

That you sing but

there is 

no 

song

You want to curl up and wait

Seeing your light, flame, life leave the body

until it is

stone cold

Death seems like a comfort

but death would not come 

And you have to wake up again 

the next day

And hope and pray to God to reignite

the Spark

to keep on living

Better days are ahead

Better days are ahead

Better days will come

They must.

***

Take heart

Let His love lead us through the night

Hold on to hope

Take courage again

- Take Heart, Hillsong 

The Hidden Picture

This was something I thought of when I saw the KDrama, "She was Beautiful" and they were talking about Renoir's Dance in the Country (look for the hidden character here.)

***

the peeping girl

the blue sky

the distant mountain 

the silent person 

the still whisper

the image you pass by but rarely see

in front of you 

but you don’t register 

someone who acts like a secondary character

in her own story

how unfortunate

when she has so much to give

maybe she’s waiting? 

waiting for someone to see her

behind the curtains

someone to ask her 

to join the dance 

or

maybe 

she decides,

"if he doesn’t see me 

maybe

I should let myself be seen

and if he still doesn’t see

I know 

someone 

somewhere

will...

or will they?"

***

We all desire to be wholly seen, to be fully known, and to be deeply loved. 

To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us. - Timothy Keller 

Looking Ahead

words, words, words...

***

tomorrow

is

another day

and i will continue 

to 

look forward 

to 

tomorrow

even though

it just

MIGHT

be the same 

as today

but 

waiting 

and

hoping

has become

some 

of my

most 

precious talents

so i will

look ahead

because there

is MORE

SO MUCH MORE

in store

for me

and my

tomorrows

22 turning 23

22 turning 23 

6 months to go and yet

there's a rush

i can't describe

like i'm running out of time

but they tell me

i'm young

really?

people die

at ten

at twenty

we lament their youth

how much more time?

death does not choose

death just kills

death has no mercy

death does not respect

age or youth

but i don't think

i'll die soon

because if do

what will i tell Him?

i can't face my Maker

just yet

because

my life

has nothing

to tell of Him

just

yet

Identity: Ang Bumangga Giba!

 "the same power that conquered the grave lives in me..

Your love that rescued the earth lives in me"

 

falling, stumbling, getting bruised

taken advantage of, used, and abused

i grit my teeth and close my eyes

going through the motion

dragged in the commotion

a victim of machination

'til i can't find myself

new definitions

different descriptions

morbid tattoos in my mind

'til i forget, "who am i?" 

but in the stillness of the night 

in the comfort of the dark

You remind me,

"you are Mine"

and i silently echo, 

"i am Yours,"

the daughter of The King

the daughter of The King

the daughter of The King

i cannot be defeated

nor am i to be tamed

i cannot be broken

nor can i be destroyed

so tomorrow, even if i will be

falling, stumbling, getting bruised

taken advantage of, used, and abused

i will just grit my teeth.

get up.

and fight.

they seriously don't know

who they're dealing with.

 

"and if our God is for us, then who can be against us

and if our God is with us, then what can stand against?"

To My Father in Heaven

 For Father's day, of course, I should give Him glory and honor Him...

I know, I know, it should be done every day but it's a struggle, but today must not be missed...

 

To My Father in Heaven whose love strengthens me and keeps me pushing on,

As flaky, fickle, and hesitant as I am, His constant love keeps me stable and grounded...

 

Thank You for not giving up on me

Thank You for believing in me

Thank You for saying that there is more than this

Thank You for giving me dreams and the strength and courage to reach for them

Without You, I wouldn't know how to live, seriously

I know that I have much to do

That I'm still a work in progress

That much still needs to be healed, corrected, and fixed in me

But You always encourage me to hope 

And You always remind me, that I am Yours

And that no matter what, You love me, no matter what

Thank you.

And I've not been as constant or as faithful as I should be

I know I love running away

And I always try to

But as a writer said, and I'm borrowing his words:

"Sometimes I still run. But I am not so fast as to outrun Your love."

 

Happy Father's Day Pa!!!! =D I love You =D >:D

Defiance

 twisted mask, ugly mask

how dare you wreak havoc in my soul?

how can menace

malice

spite

come with a gentle smile?

 

sarcastic mask, cold mask

how dare you laugh in other's pain?

how dare you propagate

and take pleasure

in people's fall?

 

you unforgiving, malicious mask

i opened my heart to you

saying, 'you're just a pitiful kid'

but you stretched it

and bruised it

and you maligned it

and poisoned it

with your words

with what you do

with how you treat

those dear to me

HOW DARE YOU?

 

you hypocritical mask, you twisted mask

how could you call betrayal loyalty?

how could you call the truth a lie?

how could you say that what you do is good

when you do it with lights off and locked doors?

how could you destroy what i love so well?

how could you not let me relish the work of my hands?

how could you attempt to break my spirit?

how could you try to imprison my mind, telling me to simply follow?

how could you clip our wings and push us off the cliff to fly?

how could you want to benefit 

from the sweat and blood of people

and chain their feet and hands

telling their minds, 'you won't go anywhere without me'?

 

HOW DARE YOU!!!

 

you stupid, stupid person

how can you not see?

how can you not know what you're doing?

how can you not feel?

how can you push me so much

and slowly tear me apart?

is this how you kill dreams?

is this how you steal ambitions?

is this how you destroy minds?

 

you pathetic, selfish man

the world does not revolve around you

you can only take so much

and i can only give so much

you keep on collecting debts

from people who owe you nothing

you pathetic, pathetic man

how can you even live with yourself?

you said you made a promise

and that you followed it through

what promise? 

well i made a promise too,

and i'll make sure to follow it through:

i will not be destroyed.

 

you pathetic, pitiful child

how do i show you compassion?

how can i stop you from breaking me 

without hardening my heart?

how do i keep on giving without lacking?

how can i stand the way you treat my friends,

without my heart growing calloused?

 

please don't smile at me

because i don't know what that smile means

please don't laugh

because i don't know the cost of that laugh

please don't say nice things to me

because i don't know if they're sincere

 

for now,

i'll let you reap my tears

if only to save my heart

i'll let you win this battle

if only to win the war

i'll let you delight in our weakness

if only for us to know

that

WE

ARE

TRULY 

STRONG. 

 

***

 

We are pressed down on every side, but not crushed;

perplexed but not in despair;

persecuted but not abandoned;

struck down but not destroyed.

- 2 Corinthians 4:8

 

You will not have to fight this battle.

Take up your positions; stand firm 

and see the deliverance the Lord will give you...

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged

Go out to face them tomorrow

and the Lord will be with you.

- 2 Chronicles 10:17

 

FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS THE ONE

WHO GOES WITH YOU TO FIGHT

FOR YOU AGAINST YOUR ENEMIES

TO GIVE YOU VICTORY.

- Deuteronomy 20:4

FOR SURE, WE WILL OVERCOME.

=)

i may not be fire

passionate, all-consuming

but i think

i am a rushing river

constant, ever-flowing

nothing blocks a river's way

stones or dirt

it pushes through

until it meets the ocean

the great unknown

the great source

the great gathering

 

i may not be fire

rapid, over-the-top

but the silent hum

of the gushing waters

speaks

silence

and quiet confidence

that no matter what

the river will go

on its course

and things will happen 

as they should

and it will reach its destination

 

i may not be fire

causing things to bubble over

but i may be water

calm and steadfast

refreshing 

soothing

with wells 

and wells

of inner strength

 

you can try killing rivers

cover them up with dirt

but water, it will trickle somewhere

it will spring out sometime

it will gather its strength

and come back 

as a flood

When Words Flow

in the blur of nothingness

when I have to face myself

trying to determine,

do I like what I see? 

am I someone

who has loved 

with every inch

of her 

being? 

have I been someone

who has served

in the ways she 

knew how? 

can I face 

my Creator Father

and say, 

My Lord, I have done 

my best

with

what You have given me? 

in the blur of self-doubt

self-deprecation

self-denigration 

have I fought 

to not let it 

win over me?

have I fought hard enough? 

have I held on to worthy things? 

have I been stubborn 

for the right reasons? 

have I stood firm?

when I have staggered

and fallen 

have I repeatedly chosen 

to

stand

back 

up? 

screw the bloody hands

screw the broken bones

screw the aching heart

screw the bleeding knees

I. WILL. FIGHT. AGAIN. 

if only I could find the fight in me

sometimes, it gets tiring to be strong 

and yet, I know, I will regret it

if I refuse to fight for dreams 

that gripped me 

I will regret not going back

if I have run away

The only reason I can travel far

I can get lost

I can go wherever

is because

I always know

the way

back

home

if I die tomorrow

what apologies will I make?

I will apologize for not having done more

I will apologize for having hurt others

BUT

I will not apologize for having lived

I will not apologize for having breathed and occupied space

I refuse to apologize for taking my chances

I will not apologize for grabbing opportunities given to me

I will not apologize for the consequences

of actions I have done

when I have decided to live

truly, honestly, with all of me

***

if life were a poker game, I only knew one way of playing it - ALL IN.