A Date with Death and Life

Disclaimer: These are all imaginary occurences and therefore I am not yet going crazy, no matter how I look or seem crazy. =p If I became a writer, like a real one, and if I had to publish a book that is a collection of whatever I wrote, I'd name the book, "Table Napkin Scribblings," you now have an idea where this was originally written.

***

So, it was one of those days when I was utterly bored, that I figured I should get out of the house and roam about. I haven't been to too much places so maybe that day was a good day to do just that. I rode a train and got off in one of those parks I keep on hearing about. I honestly do not understand what's so great about plants, but whatever. 

As I was entering, I saw two people, and they seemed friendly enough to say, "Hi." The first one asked, "Is this your first time here?" I said, "Yes, why?" "Well," the second one answered, "not many people come here, so we'd know if a new face came by." "Oh, I see." "And you have that stupid lost look on your face," the first one HAD to quip. The first one's name I got to learn was Death and the other was introduced as Life. I've heard of Death's and Life's before, but it was the first time to see and talk to their kind. 

Death volunteered to show me around, and coaxed the friend to trail along. They had a strange familiarity about them, like I had met them before, but forgot. As we were walking around the gardens, Death was describing to me each plant, each flower, how they grew, what their names were, where they were found, in detail. "Wow! How do you know so much about these things?" I asked.

"Well, you see, I work in hospitals a lot,"

"No, I don't see."

"Wait, let me finish! And I always see people, mourning and weeping, and bodies growing cold, it is quite a depressing sight, you see, so I make an active effort to read about things that are colorful and blooming and beautiful, whenever I get off from work. They just seem to have that certain spark."  

Spark? What spark? I was thinking to myself, I guess some people were just flower people. 

Then Death kept rambling on about leaf patterns, and petal formations, and fruit developments. 

At the back of my mind, I was thinking, what a geekoid! But then I noticed Life being silent, so I tried to make small talk. 

"Hey, are you okay? Aren't you interested in what Death is talking about?"

"Of course I am!" Life replied indignantly. 

"Of course Life is!" Death interjected, "Life is the keeper of these grounds you know. L would be the best person to tell you about everything that grows here! Aren't I right, L?"

"Don't try to act cool and call me L," came the response. 

"So why aren't you doing the tour instead of Death?" I asked.

"Well, you see..."

These people and their Well-you-sees! Just get to the point!

"Yes," I answered as patiently as I could.

"You're one of the few people who actually took interest in my pets."

"Your pets? The plants you mean? But Death is interested in them too..."

"Death doesn't count! D comes around every week asking me about things, and updates and whatever-else about the gardens. D can be considered as part of the gardens already!"

"So, you're now calling Death, D?" I teased.

"Whatever! Point is, I didn't have much practice with speaking tours and stuff..."

"Come on! You just have to tell me what you know!"

"D will do a better job with speaking. D is more sociable and more people are familiar with Death than with me, quite frankly."

"Just ignore Life!" Death interrupted. "You see, L is just in one of those attention-seeking-acting-depressed phases."

"Why? When you're surrounded with the things you care about why would you be 'depressed'?" 

"Well, you see..." Life answered.

"Uh-huh..." I said, rolling my eyes. 

"These plants, I take care of them, I nurse them, make sure they have all they need, and they respond really well to it."

"What's depressing about that?"

"Well, you see..." 

(Why can't they stop with these well-you-sees? As if, it's common sense!)

"My flowers, they would bloom and show off their prettiest colors and their largest petals. They would send out these exhilarating fragrances, that just relaxes and makes you breathe easier, but people just ignore them and walk pass them. And when they have ran their course..."

Death takes over the conversation, "when they have ran their course, and their petals start to turn brown and fall off, that's when people see them. Then, these people would complain that Life is not doing the job well, letting the flowers wilt and go ugly. You see, they forget that these flowers have been in bloom for months and Life has been at work to keep them that way."

"All things have a cycle, you see," Life said, "When the bloom is over, they wilt, giving chance for other plants to bloom. They all have their own seasons and their own time, but in a year, we never run out of flowers that bloom. So I find it strange and depressing that the only ones that get noticed are the flowers that have already finished their time. And my flowers don't even get thanked for a job well done, and a proper send off when it's time to go. Although, when they go, they always leave something to remember them by, like a seed. And then the cycle starts again. So like I said, we never run out of flowers."

"Yup, aren't they a mystery and a beauty?" Death said with admiration. "I wish I could have Life's job and be around flowers all the time."

"Well, I wish I could have your job, and just get to see their beauty without the pain of having to cultivate them," Life answered.

"By the way, we forgot to ask your name," Death said.

"Right! I'm sorry I forgot to introduce myself. I rarely meet new people. My name is Fluke, like a tapeworm or a fluke of nature."

"YOU'RE A WHAT???" they said in unison.

"I thought that Flukes don't exist anymore," Life wondered out loud.

"I am here, aren't I?"

"I heard of your kind," Death said, "You guys, wake up to sleep, go through a day to get through a year, get through a year to finish a lifetime. You guys do not get hungry but then you don't get full either."

"Yup! That's exactly who we are!" I said beaming with pride and these two people looked at me with a funny expression.

"Yeah, you guys avoid trouble but then you also avoid decisions, you refuse to take lifts and stairs sticking to the ground, and you don't like subways, preferring the surface," Life added.

"And what's so wrong with that?" I asked. Although, I was a bit pleased that they omitted the well-you-see phrases in their last sentences.

"Well, we don't know. Well, wait! What's a Fluke doing out of their house today? Isn't this outside your routine?" Life asked.

"I got bored, I guess."

"So a Fluke went out to seek adventure?" Death teased and that was followed by laughter.

At this point, I really do not appreciate where this conversation is heading! 

"Why? What if I was?"

"Then, you'd be the flukiest of all the Flukes if there ever was such a word, because a Fluke seeking adventure is unheard of! Come on!" 

"But seriously, we really thought that Flukes would have been gone by now, what with the surge of self-help books, motivational speakers, purpose-driven life events and stuff like that," Life said.

"Exactly!" Death lunged, "I thought with wars, massacres, 9/11, the Abu Sayyaf, and movies like the Bucket List, people would want to have some sort of forward action. There really is no excuse to be a Fluke anymore you see."

"Excuse me???!!!"

"I thought that I was miserable because of the sorrow surrounding me, but no offense, I think I'm actually better off than you," Death said.

"And I thought I was pathetic because I keep on struggling to keep my flowers in bloom, but you are far worse, my friend," Life added, giving me a "comforting" pat on the shoulder.

I knew they were trying to make a point, but I simply refuse to give them the upper hand. I will have the last say in this conversation!

So I turned to them, put my nose high up in the air, and gave them the best rebuttal EVER,

"CHE!" 

Looking Ahead

words, words, words...

***

tomorrow

is

another day

and i will continue 

to 

look forward 

to 

tomorrow

even though

it just

MIGHT

be the same 

as today

but 

waiting 

and

hoping

has become

some 

of my

most 

precious talents

so i will

look ahead

because there

is MORE

SO MUCH MORE

in store

for me

and my

tomorrows

22 turning 23

22 turning 23 

6 months to go and yet

there's a rush

i can't describe

like i'm running out of time

but they tell me

i'm young

really?

people die

at ten

at twenty

we lament their youth

how much more time?

death does not choose

death just kills

death has no mercy

death does not respect

age or youth

but i don't think

i'll die soon

because if do

what will i tell Him?

i can't face my Maker

just yet

because

my life

has nothing

to tell of Him

just

yet

Professionally Struggling

(Musings of a Working Girl)

In the short time that I have been working, I really don't have much of professional experience to speak of. I graduated 2010, and by now, 2012, I have been to three jobs (or rather I have been in two jobs and is still working on the third, or whatever, po-tay-to, po-tah-to). 

During this time, I have realized a few things, which I will be writing down, maybe as a future reference. Maybe when I'm older, I'd see this entry and think, "Boy, was I naive!" or may be I'd say, "Fish!!! I'm still struggling with the same thing!" Maybe I'd write down some things to remind myself to take my own advice and deal with it...but before I go further, I will put up a disclaimer. 

Disclaimer: Please don't take this in a general sense, these are things I picked up based on my experiences (which are not much), so no offense is intended to those who think otherwise. Another thing, these are largely based on my opinion (though I seem to state them as a fact, and for that, you will have to forgive me), I'm no expert, and I don't claim to be one. Like I said, maybe I'm just being naive. And lastly, most of these are "advice," which I don't really follow, but I hope to...someday...one day...(unless they are proven to be a sham hahaha!!! XD)

So here I go...

THINGS I LEARNED WHEN I STARTED WORKING

1. No one is indispensable.

 Supervisors get replaced, workers get fired, even Golden Boy may be in danger. Fact is, supply is higher than demand. There will always be someone more desperate than you, more willing to do the things you hate, more capable than you, smarter than you, more willing to go the extra mile than you. This much I know to be true. "So don't you ever for a second get to thinking, you're irreplaceabu-hul."

2. Excuses do not exist. 

It doesn't matter whether you're sick, you're overloaded with work, you're stressed, you're depressed, you had an emergency, whatever be it, there are only two realities in work: (1) you produce results or (2) you don't. That's it, pansit. I'm not saying, "Never make mistakes" because humans are fallible. But what I find to be the best way to go about it when you do something wrong is this, to admit you did wrong, say you're sorry, and give a solution (which you must absolutely deliver! otherwise, you're apology and head-bowing go to waste.) (And on this matter, really nice bosses make apologies so much easier to do, they are so much more understanding...but then again, not all of us are lucky to have one...*sigh*)

3. The boss is the BOSS. 

And this is the hardest pill to swallow especially when you have an ego...Promise! No matter what you think, the boss is an authority above you. Even if you might be smarter than him, more diligent, more skilled, more beautiful/handsome (char!), you're boss is THE BOSS. And even if you count ways to go around it, the final say will always be his, no matter how ridiculous they sound. Sometimes, you might even have to take the fall for them especially when they're the finger-pointing or the don't-care-about-you types.

4. Bad things happen to good people and Good things happen to bad people.

The world is unfair. Go figure! Deal with it. All you can do is work as best as you can, hoping that someday, the world will be on your side, and eventually, it will (by faith! hahaha!!! XD)

5. Entitlement is a dangerous thing.

Aside from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which applies to all people, as an employee, you are entitled to two things from your employer: (1) salary and (2) leaves. Respect, success, acknowledgement, you are not entitled to those. Those you need to earn. ("Just because you want it, does not mean you deserve it") And even if you deserved them, you cannot control how others think. So the least and the best you can do under all circumstances, is to be your own cheerleader, and respect yourself. As for you boss, he is entitled to two things from you as well, (1) you getting the work done and (2) loyalty. And this is where I fail miserably, loyalty. Loyalty in a sense that you don't gossip about your boss, you don't demean or degrade him in front of others. Think about it, if you cannot handle this boss, you can always quit. At the end of the day, you chose that boss for yourself, so while you're still with him, try to keep it in, be as professional as you possibly can in your dealings with him.

Entitlement is a dangerous thing, because then you'd think that the world owes you something when it does not. No one owes you anything. The only person you can blame and answer for, is always yourself.

6. Never compromise your principles. 

There will be times when the best answer is a firm, respectful NO. Sure, working hours can be compromised, job descriptions can be compromised, but never your principles. People without principles have no backbone, they rise quickly and they fall quickly. But people with principles if they do fall, they can still bounce back, because they have integrity. So when the time comes, when you are about to compromise your integrity for some quicktime launch, that would be the time to quit, but you won't realize it by then. It's like doing drugs, you still think you're in control but in actuality, you're already hooked. 

7. Set Limits.

Going the extra mile is always good in work. Being efficient, hardworking and loving the company is good too. But remember, there is life outside the workplace, and when you die tomorrow, you won't be able to bring your samples with you. So, make sure at all costs, that you actually get a life. Seriously. Also, in the work place where there will be people who will take advantage of you, use you and abuse you, do not hesitate to decline a "request". There will always be stuck-ups, snuck-ups, suck-ups and spickety-spickums (people you'd rather not describe) and they will eat you up if they get the chance to. Make sure you are not juicy enough or foolish enough for them to eat.  

8. There will always be nice people.

No matter how dreary the circumstance or how mean and ruthless and malicious your boss might be, there will always be nice people. They could be the professor next door or your crazy lab mates or the security guards downstairs or the uncles/aunties in the canteen or your college advisers. Point is, these people make things easier for you. When you think of them, you'd say, "the world is not so bad after all." These are the people whose names you will be mentioning when you make The Great Speech one day. And these nice P.I.s you've encountered, you'd tell them some day, "When days had been rough, I thought of you guys, and I told myself, one day, if I become a P.I., I'd want to be someone like you." All these people are God's angels sent to you during those times when you would just want to break down. Because of them, you'd think of the world more positively. Make sure you honor and respect them.

9. Guard your heart and guard your dreams.

Guarding your heart does not mean hardening it, it just means deciding which thoughts you let in and which you discard. Many times, circumstances will not go your way, contracts end, salaries don't come, bosses putting you down, results not cooperating, etc. and during these times, thoughts of inadequacy, stupidity, hopelessness enter your head and you'd think of giving up. Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23). Along with the guarding of your heart, guard your dreams. Dreams don't just happen on their own, they require action and commitment. If your heart sinks, so do your dreams. No matter how demotivating and discouraging circumstances or people are, be on your guard, because at an appointed time, those dreams will come to pass (Habakkuk 2:2-3), what will you do then if you had already given up?

10. You will be fine.

At the end of it all, no matter what happens, no matter who you meet, whether you go up or down or sideways, always remember this, you will be fine. It's like one of those Filipino films, you always know deep inside that the ending will be a happy one except you know the protagonist will have to go through some trials. That's the same with you. You have a definite ending, and that is a happy one. How you get there is the point of the journey, so just enjoy it. Because at the end of the day, no matter how dark the tunnel gets, it is the knowing that there is a light at the end that keeps us going. You will be fine. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Let's see how many of these "advices" I get to keep as I move forward, hahaha!!! =))). 

Identity: Ang Bumangga Giba!

 "the same power that conquered the grave lives in me..

Your love that rescued the earth lives in me"

 

falling, stumbling, getting bruised

taken advantage of, used, and abused

i grit my teeth and close my eyes

going through the motion

dragged in the commotion

a victim of machination

'til i can't find myself

new definitions

different descriptions

morbid tattoos in my mind

'til i forget, "who am i?" 

but in the stillness of the night 

in the comfort of the dark

You remind me,

"you are Mine"

and i silently echo, 

"i am Yours,"

the daughter of The King

the daughter of The King

the daughter of The King

i cannot be defeated

nor am i to be tamed

i cannot be broken

nor can i be destroyed

so tomorrow, even if i will be

falling, stumbling, getting bruised

taken advantage of, used, and abused

i will just grit my teeth.

get up.

and fight.

they seriously don't know

who they're dealing with.

 

"and if our God is for us, then who can be against us

and if our God is with us, then what can stand against?"

To My Father in Heaven

 For Father's day, of course, I should give Him glory and honor Him...

I know, I know, it should be done every day but it's a struggle, but today must not be missed...

 

To My Father in Heaven whose love strengthens me and keeps me pushing on,

As flaky, fickle, and hesitant as I am, His constant love keeps me stable and grounded...

 

Thank You for not giving up on me

Thank You for believing in me

Thank You for saying that there is more than this

Thank You for giving me dreams and the strength and courage to reach for them

Without You, I wouldn't know how to live, seriously

I know that I have much to do

That I'm still a work in progress

That much still needs to be healed, corrected, and fixed in me

But You always encourage me to hope 

And You always remind me, that I am Yours

And that no matter what, You love me, no matter what

Thank you.

And I've not been as constant or as faithful as I should be

I know I love running away

And I always try to

But as a writer said, and I'm borrowing his words:

"Sometimes I still run. But I am not so fast as to outrun Your love."

 

Happy Father's Day Pa!!!! =D I love You =D >:D

Defiance

 twisted mask, ugly mask

how dare you wreak havoc in my soul?

how can menace

malice

spite

come with a gentle smile?

 

sarcastic mask, cold mask

how dare you laugh in other's pain?

how dare you propagate

and take pleasure

in people's fall?

 

you unforgiving, malicious mask

i opened my heart to you

saying, 'you're just a pitiful kid'

but you stretched it

and bruised it

and you maligned it

and poisoned it

with your words

with what you do

with how you treat

those dear to me

HOW DARE YOU?

 

you hypocritical mask, you twisted mask

how could you call betrayal loyalty?

how could you call the truth a lie?

how could you say that what you do is good

when you do it with lights off and locked doors?

how could you destroy what i love so well?

how could you not let me relish the work of my hands?

how could you attempt to break my spirit?

how could you try to imprison my mind, telling me to simply follow?

how could you clip our wings and push us off the cliff to fly?

how could you want to benefit 

from the sweat and blood of people

and chain their feet and hands

telling their minds, 'you won't go anywhere without me'?

 

HOW DARE YOU!!!

 

you stupid, stupid person

how can you not see?

how can you not know what you're doing?

how can you not feel?

how can you push me so much

and slowly tear me apart?

is this how you kill dreams?

is this how you steal ambitions?

is this how you destroy minds?

 

you pathetic, selfish man

the world does not revolve around you

you can only take so much

and i can only give so much

you keep on collecting debts

from people who owe you nothing

you pathetic, pathetic man

how can you even live with yourself?

you said you made a promise

and that you followed it through

what promise? 

well i made a promise too,

and i'll make sure to follow it through:

i will not be destroyed.

 

you pathetic, pitiful child

how do i show you compassion?

how can i stop you from breaking me 

without hardening my heart?

how do i keep on giving without lacking?

how can i stand the way you treat my friends,

without my heart growing calloused?

 

please don't smile at me

because i don't know what that smile means

please don't laugh

because i don't know the cost of that laugh

please don't say nice things to me

because i don't know if they're sincere

 

for now,

i'll let you reap my tears

if only to save my heart

i'll let you win this battle

if only to win the war

i'll let you delight in our weakness

if only for us to know

that

WE

ARE

TRULY 

STRONG. 

 

***

 

We are pressed down on every side, but not crushed;

perplexed but not in despair;

persecuted but not abandoned;

struck down but not destroyed.

- 2 Corinthians 4:8

 

You will not have to fight this battle.

Take up your positions; stand firm 

and see the deliverance the Lord will give you...

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged

Go out to face them tomorrow

and the Lord will be with you.

- 2 Chronicles 10:17

 

FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS THE ONE

WHO GOES WITH YOU TO FIGHT

FOR YOU AGAINST YOUR ENEMIES

TO GIVE YOU VICTORY.

- Deuteronomy 20:4

FOR SURE, WE WILL OVERCOME.