Dear Danie

 Dear Danie, 

I've already stopped asking why. After several deaths in the family, I have stopped asking why. Besides, they have not been helpful - like why would a 24-year old be killed in cold blood under a presumed drug war or a mother who seemed to be recovering from cancer died anyway. See, they do not help. Not even asking God why helps, because when the world does not make sense, the only thing left to make sense is faith. 

So, when I heard of your passing, I did not ask why. I just asked what happened. Your beloved Aya has been born to the world, we were more worried about her than you because you seemed fine, until you weren't and then you were gone. Some things even science can't explain. There is no why to death, it just is. Everyone dies, some earlier than others, some in freak accidents, and some in senseless bloodlust. I have stopped asking why. 

They say all people die, but not everyone lives but girl, YOU LIVED. I don't think I've seen anyone who is as brave (and perhaps, close to reckless) as you. You wanted to surf so you did. You wanted to try new things so you did. You were not afraid to bet your heart and try again when it broke. I think, this above all, makes you you. My heart is the last one I'd put on the betting table - I may even be more willing to bet my life than to bet my heart. But you, my girl, did both and you did it well. 

Look at the lives you've touched, and the lives you've made alive by your presence, and the life you bore. In your short 32 years, the zest of life you exuded made me believe you'd live forever. But it was not to be so. 

We said we'll go on another girl's trip when things settle down and when the money comes, but it looks like, that trip will have to wait until we all meet again at some point in the future. 

I cannot regret nor resent the way you died nor even be greedy of why your life seemed short. For some reason, I was just grateful - grateful to have known you, grateful that before you have moved on to the next chapter, that I got to meet you and got to call you friend. 

Thank you. Thank you for that. 

"The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." 

I have been given you in this life. Blessed be the name of the Lord. God has called you home and one day, we too, will be called home. Blessed be the name of the Lord. And really, I can't help but feel just grateful and blessed that in this lifetime, our lives have intersected. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

It has been an honor and pleasure, Surfer Girl. 

You were always an adventurer, Danie girl. I guess God has better waves for you to catch in heaven. Surf on. 

Love,

Ciara 

Penang, Malaysia 2017

Be at Peace - St. Francis De Sales

 

May today there be peace within - St. Teresa of Avila

 

Some things we cannot skip...

 

Bloom Where You're Planted

"Bloom where you're planted."

Do you remember this?

It was Dr. Fundador who said this during a dorm visit.

She said she'd wanted to be a doctor but she can't because funds were low so instead she pursued a different track, as an educator and her success story is she was able to pursue a PhD, found her passion and became the directress of one of the most prestigious institutions in the country, and 'til date she is continuing to be an educator and I don't think she regretted anything.

Do you remember this?

Do you remember the times when things seemed bleak? When we were starting college, we did not know which way to go? You did not know which college you're attending, i was not sure if i was doing the right thing.

Do you remember 4th year (for me) and 5th year (for you) college? We weren't sure if we were graduating because of uncooperative data? But we did, you even had latin honors to go with it.

Do you remember the times of painfully waiting? Waiting for that next job to come, waiting for things to happen, waiting for things to unfold? Do you remember how it hurt each night, thinking, "is this all there is." Do you remember how uncertain we were of the great, "what now?"

Do you remember how we felt rejected at times? How inadequate and low we felt of ourselves? Do you remember how we felt ugly and unworthy? How we felt less...simply less?

But do you remember, how we surmounted them all? How we crushed all naysayers and purged that little insecure voice within us? Do you remember how we killed lions and bears in anticipation of the giants; and climbed hills, knowing that somewhere along the way we will be facing mountains?

Do you remember how we screamed, "Aja!!!" and said, "No! Hindi ako papayag!" ?

Do you remember when we told our dreams, "Come to me!!! I claim you!!!"?

Do you remember how we laughed at the face of complications and problems saying, "at least, things won't get boring!" and sometimes even saying, "Okay, it's time to level up!"

Do you remember when we said, "ang bumangga giba!" ?

Do you remember how we said that we are the Joshua generation? We are claiming Canaan though Moses wasn't able to cross it.

Do you remember how we said that we are Caleb, we will devour the giants? And on the day that we walk Canaan, we would say, "I am still strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then." I am made for this!

Do you remember how we held on and screamed and ran and fought?

Do you remember that we are warriors and fighters and Nehemiah?  

Do you remember how we watched our dreams come to pass because of the Lord's grace?

Do you remember how we were overwhelmed when the Lord showed us that nothing goes to waste, even tears and pain? 

I hope you remember because

Fact is: we have never been of those who shrink back and grow weak.

Fact is: we have always managed to pick ourselves up and face things head on.

Fact is: we have always risen, and we will rise again.

Fact is: we have always wanted to finish strong.

Fact is: we have always been water-walkers.

Fact is: we have always looked up.

Fact is: we have always been Queen Esther, somewhere deep inside.

Fact is: though some may not be facts, we will make them facts.

Fact is: we have never been roses - too delicate that it needed thorns.

Because, Truth is: we have always been lilies.

We have always grown no matter the circumstance.

Even Solomon's robes are no match to the beauty of the lilies.

And it just so happens, the most beautiful lilies grow in muddy and murky waters.

And it just so happens that that's where we're in now. LOL! =p

Para Sa'yo at sa mga Minsan Mo

Minsan, gusto mo ring piliin ka, hindi dahil sa wala nang iba (last resort), kung hindi, IKAW LANG TALAGA...

Minsan, gusto mo ring manguna, kahit papano, kahit minsan... 

Minsan, gusto mo ring may maniwala sa'yo maliban sa sarili mo...

Minsan, napapagod ka ring magmahal, umintindi, magpaintindi, mangarap, maniwala...

Pero minsan lang...huwag palagiin ang minsan...

Dahil madalas, napipili ka rin, hindi mo lang napapansin at kung nalilimutan mo, karapat-dapat ka naman ding piliin...

Madalas, nangunguna ka rin, hindi mo lang nakikita pa sa ngayon...

Madalas, maraming naniniwala sa'yo, hindi ka lang makapaniwalang iyon ang totoo...

Madalas, kahit na nakakapagod at masakit ang magmahal, umintindi, magpaintindi, mangarap at maniwala, karapat-dapat naman silang gawin, ipaglaban at ipagpatuloy...

Alam mo 'yan...hindi ko na kailangang ipaalala pa sa'yo...

Pero sa ngayon...hahayaan muna kita sa mga minsan mo...

Dahil matapos kang lumuha, magiging malinaw muli ang paningin at pag-iisip mo; magiging handa ka muling harapin ang mundo...

At bukas, gaya ng kadalasan, magsasaya tayo't magpapasalamat dahil nabubuhay at buhay tayo...=D