To My Father in Heaven

 For Father's day, of course, I should give Him glory and honor Him...

I know, I know, it should be done every day but it's a struggle, but today must not be missed...

 

To My Father in Heaven whose love strengthens me and keeps me pushing on,

As flaky, fickle, and hesitant as I am, His constant love keeps me stable and grounded...

 

Thank You for not giving up on me

Thank You for believing in me

Thank You for saying that there is more than this

Thank You for giving me dreams and the strength and courage to reach for them

Without You, I wouldn't know how to live, seriously

I know that I have much to do

That I'm still a work in progress

That much still needs to be healed, corrected, and fixed in me

But You always encourage me to hope 

And You always remind me, that I am Yours

And that no matter what, You love me, no matter what

Thank you.

And I've not been as constant or as faithful as I should be

I know I love running away

And I always try to

But as a writer said, and I'm borrowing his words:

"Sometimes I still run. But I am not so fast as to outrun Your love."

 

Happy Father's Day Pa!!!! =D I love You =D >:D

Defiance

 twisted mask, ugly mask

how dare you wreak havoc in my soul?

how can menace

malice

spite

come with a gentle smile?

 

sarcastic mask, cold mask

how dare you laugh in other's pain?

how dare you propagate

and take pleasure

in people's fall?

 

you unforgiving, malicious mask

i opened my heart to you

saying, 'you're just a pitiful kid'

but you stretched it

and bruised it

and you maligned it

and poisoned it

with your words

with what you do

with how you treat

those dear to me

HOW DARE YOU?

 

you hypocritical mask, you twisted mask

how could you call betrayal loyalty?

how could you call the truth a lie?

how could you say that what you do is good

when you do it with lights off and locked doors?

how could you destroy what i love so well?

how could you not let me relish the work of my hands?

how could you attempt to break my spirit?

how could you try to imprison my mind, telling me to simply follow?

how could you clip our wings and push us off the cliff to fly?

how could you want to benefit 

from the sweat and blood of people

and chain their feet and hands

telling their minds, 'you won't go anywhere without me'?

 

HOW DARE YOU!!!

 

you stupid, stupid person

how can you not see?

how can you not know what you're doing?

how can you not feel?

how can you push me so much

and slowly tear me apart?

is this how you kill dreams?

is this how you steal ambitions?

is this how you destroy minds?

 

you pathetic, selfish man

the world does not revolve around you

you can only take so much

and i can only give so much

you keep on collecting debts

from people who owe you nothing

you pathetic, pathetic man

how can you even live with yourself?

you said you made a promise

and that you followed it through

what promise? 

well i made a promise too,

and i'll make sure to follow it through:

i will not be destroyed.

 

you pathetic, pitiful child

how do i show you compassion?

how can i stop you from breaking me 

without hardening my heart?

how do i keep on giving without lacking?

how can i stand the way you treat my friends,

without my heart growing calloused?

 

please don't smile at me

because i don't know what that smile means

please don't laugh

because i don't know the cost of that laugh

please don't say nice things to me

because i don't know if they're sincere

 

for now,

i'll let you reap my tears

if only to save my heart

i'll let you win this battle

if only to win the war

i'll let you delight in our weakness

if only for us to know

that

WE

ARE

TRULY 

STRONG. 

 

***

 

We are pressed down on every side, but not crushed;

perplexed but not in despair;

persecuted but not abandoned;

struck down but not destroyed.

- 2 Corinthians 4:8

 

You will not have to fight this battle.

Take up your positions; stand firm 

and see the deliverance the Lord will give you...

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged

Go out to face them tomorrow

and the Lord will be with you.

- 2 Chronicles 10:17

 

FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS THE ONE

WHO GOES WITH YOU TO FIGHT

FOR YOU AGAINST YOUR ENEMIES

TO GIVE YOU VICTORY.

- Deuteronomy 20:4

FOR SURE, WE WILL OVERCOME.

Bloom Where You're Planted

"Bloom where you're planted."

Do you remember this?

It was Dr. Fundador who said this during a dorm visit.

She said she'd wanted to be a doctor but she can't because funds were low so instead she pursued a different track, as an educator and her success story is she was able to pursue a PhD, found her passion and became the directress of one of the most prestigious institutions in the country, and 'til date she is continuing to be an educator and I don't think she regretted anything.

Do you remember this?

Do you remember the times when things seemed bleak? When we were starting college, we did not know which way to go? You did not know which college you're attending, i was not sure if i was doing the right thing.

Do you remember 4th year (for me) and 5th year (for you) college? We weren't sure if we were graduating because of uncooperative data? But we did, you even had latin honors to go with it.

Do you remember the times of painfully waiting? Waiting for that next job to come, waiting for things to happen, waiting for things to unfold? Do you remember how it hurt each night, thinking, "is this all there is." Do you remember how uncertain we were of the great, "what now?"

Do you remember how we felt rejected at times? How inadequate and low we felt of ourselves? Do you remember how we felt ugly and unworthy? How we felt less...simply less?

But do you remember, how we surmounted them all? How we crushed all naysayers and purged that little insecure voice within us? Do you remember how we killed lions and bears in anticipation of the giants; and climbed hills, knowing that somewhere along the way we will be facing mountains?

Do you remember how we screamed, "Aja!!!" and said, "No! Hindi ako papayag!" ?

Do you remember when we told our dreams, "Come to me!!! I claim you!!!"?

Do you remember how we laughed at the face of complications and problems saying, "at least, things won't get boring!" and sometimes even saying, "Okay, it's time to level up!"

Do you remember when we said, "ang bumangga giba!" ?

Do you remember how we said that we are the Joshua generation? We are claiming Canaan though Moses wasn't able to cross it.

Do you remember how we said that we are Caleb, we will devour the giants? And on the day that we walk Canaan, we would say, "I am still strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then." I am made for this!

Do you remember how we held on and screamed and ran and fought?

Do you remember that we are warriors and fighters and Nehemiah?  

Do you remember how we watched our dreams come to pass because of the Lord's grace?

Do you remember how we were overwhelmed when the Lord showed us that nothing goes to waste, even tears and pain? 

I hope you remember because

Fact is: we have never been of those who shrink back and grow weak.

Fact is: we have always managed to pick ourselves up and face things head on.

Fact is: we have always risen, and we will rise again.

Fact is: we have always wanted to finish strong.

Fact is: we have always been water-walkers.

Fact is: we have always looked up.

Fact is: we have always been Queen Esther, somewhere deep inside.

Fact is: though some may not be facts, we will make them facts.

Fact is: we have never been roses - too delicate that it needed thorns.

Because, Truth is: we have always been lilies.

We have always grown no matter the circumstance.

Even Solomon's robes are no match to the beauty of the lilies.

And it just so happens, the most beautiful lilies grow in muddy and murky waters.

And it just so happens that that's where we're in now. LOL! =p

=)

i may not be fire

passionate, all-consuming

but i think

i am a rushing river

constant, ever-flowing

nothing blocks a river's way

stones or dirt

it pushes through

until it meets the ocean

the great unknown

the great source

the great gathering

 

i may not be fire

rapid, over-the-top

but the silent hum

of the gushing waters

speaks

silence

and quiet confidence

that no matter what

the river will go

on its course

and things will happen 

as they should

and it will reach its destination

 

i may not be fire

causing things to bubble over

but i may be water

calm and steadfast

refreshing 

soothing

with wells 

and wells

of inner strength

 

you can try killing rivers

cover them up with dirt

but water, it will trickle somewhere

it will spring out sometime

it will gather its strength

and come back 

as a flood

When Words Flow

in the blur of nothingness

when I have to face myself

trying to determine,

do I like what I see? 

am I someone

who has loved 

with every inch

of her 

being? 

have I been someone

who has served

in the ways she 

knew how? 

can I face 

my Creator Father

and say, 

My Lord, I have done 

my best

with

what You have given me? 

in the blur of self-doubt

self-deprecation

self-denigration 

have I fought 

to not let it 

win over me?

have I fought hard enough? 

have I held on to worthy things? 

have I been stubborn 

for the right reasons? 

have I stood firm?

when I have staggered

and fallen 

have I repeatedly chosen 

to

stand

back 

up? 

screw the bloody hands

screw the broken bones

screw the aching heart

screw the bleeding knees

I. WILL. FIGHT. AGAIN. 

if only I could find the fight in me

sometimes, it gets tiring to be strong 

and yet, I know, I will regret it

if I refuse to fight for dreams 

that gripped me 

I will regret not going back

if I have run away

The only reason I can travel far

I can get lost

I can go wherever

is because

I always know

the way

back

home

if I die tomorrow

what apologies will I make?

I will apologize for not having done more

I will apologize for having hurt others

BUT

I will not apologize for having lived

I will not apologize for having breathed and occupied space

I refuse to apologize for taking my chances

I will not apologize for grabbing opportunities given to me

I will not apologize for the consequences

of actions I have done

when I have decided to live

truly, honestly, with all of me

***

if life were a poker game, I only knew one way of playing it - ALL IN. 

At the End of the Day

at the end of the day

i just want to be thankful

no matter what happened yesterday

or what happens tomorrow

i just want to be grateful

 

at the end of the day

no matter what anyone says

no matter what i heard

or what i felt

or what i saw

or what aggravated me

or what pissed me of

i will decide to be thankful

 

at the end of the day

if i ever feel down

i will just pick myself up and smile

if i ever feel annoyed

or misused

or taken advantage of

or judged

i will just shrug it off

 

because at the end of the day

i'll be coming home to You

and i know that You'll be with me

and all these will melt away

because i am home

and You are You

Before You

Do you know how when you've waited so long for something to happen?

Something you've always prayed would happen and then because it took some time, you begin to sway from hope to desperation to frustration and back again?

And when at long last, it comes to you - the dream, right before your eyes, all you have to do is grab it, taste it, make it yours, but you stop midway, because you begin to think - WHAT IF ?

The great 'what if' - two words that have deterred men from pursuing their dreams, two words that have paralyzed future heroes and reduced them to mere civilians, two words that have made people blind to their greatness. 

 

What if i fail?

What if this is just a big farce?

What if I fall short?

What if?

 

They say, 'fear is at the gate of your destiny.' So maybe, fear has been waiting this whole time to ambush you just when you're getting so close to your destiny. And as if it isn't enough, when you let fear stop you and you go back, a new friend welcomes you - Regret, and this spurs another round of what-if's:

 

What if I just went for it?

What if I just took the chance?

What if I just leapt?

What if?

 

Then you begin to feel cowardly and stupid and idiotic for letting an opportunity go, so when another opportunity comes along, you won't recognize its face until it's too late. Then, the cycle repeats all over again, and you're falling in a downward spiral. Then your head begins to fill up with all these rubbish descriptions you have of yourself - loser, coward, inadequate, stupid, etc. 

But I always believe that the mind should never be made into a trash can, it sounds nicer when said in Filipino though - huwag gawing basurahan ang utak. So we sweep trash off, make the mind clean, vomit out all the rubbish and replace it with this:

 

"Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby.

Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth!

You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women." God says so!

"Clear lots of ground for your tents!    

Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!

Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep.

You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family.

You're going to take over whole nations;

you're going to resettle abandoned cities.

Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed.    

Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.

You'll forget all about the humiliations of your youth,    

and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory.

For your Maker is your bridegroom,    

his name, God-of-the-Angel-Armies!

Your Redeemer is The Holy of Israel,    

known as God of the whole earth.

(Isaiah 54)

 

I don't know what's going to happen next. But if fear is before me, maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm nearing my destiny, so maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't give up yet. And maybe, just maybe, I'm going to do great (hahahah! XD) Plus, at the end of the day, there should be no reason for me to be afraid. God said I'm not going to be humiliated, I'm not going to fall short. For sure, I can trust His word. I'm going to be blown away about what He has in store for me, I'm sure. 

Future, you better look out for me!!! Cause I'm coming!!!! =p