Some people are worth knowing, some things are worth learning, some thoughts are worth sharing, some lives are worth unraveling.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Professionally Struggling
Monday, June 25, 2012
Identity: Ang Bumangga Giba!
"the same power that conquered the grave lives in me..
Your love that rescued the earth lives in me"
falling, stumbling, getting bruised
taken advantage of, used, and abused
i grit my teeth and close my eyes
going through the motion
dragged in the commotion
a victim of machination
'til i can't find myself
new definitions
different descriptions
morbid tattoos in my mind
'til i forget, "who am i?"
but in the stillness of the night
in the comfort of the dark
You remind me,
"you are Mine"
and i silently echo,
"i am Yours,"
the daughter of The King
the daughter of The King
the daughter of The King
i cannot be defeated
nor am i to be tamed
i cannot be broken
nor can i be destroyed
so tomorrow, even if i will be
falling, stumbling, getting bruised
taken advantage of, used, and abused
i will just grit my teeth.
get up.
and fight.
they seriously don't know
who they're dealing with.
"and if our God is for us, then who can be against us
and if our God is with us, then what can stand against?"
Sunday, June 17, 2012
To My Father in Heaven
For Father's day, of course, I should give Him glory and honor Him...
I know, I know, it should be done every day but it's a struggle, but today must not be missed...
To My Father in Heaven whose love strengthens me and keeps me pushing on,
As flaky, fickle, and hesitant as I am, His constant love keeps me stable and grounded...
Thank You for not giving up on me
Thank You for believing in me
Thank You for saying that there is more than this
Thank You for giving me dreams and the strength and courage to reach for them
Without You, I wouldn't know how to live, seriously
I know that I have much to do
That I'm still a work in progress
That much still needs to be healed, corrected, and fixed in me
But You always encourage me to hope
And You always remind me, that I am Yours
And that no matter what, You love me, no matter what
Thank you.
And I've not been as constant or as faithful as I should be
I know I love running away
And I always try to
But as a writer said, and I'm borrowing his words:
"Sometimes I still run. But I am not so fast as to outrun Your love."
Happy Father's Day Pa!!!! =D I love You =D >:D
Friday, April 27, 2012
Defiance
twisted mask, ugly mask
how dare you wreak havoc in my soul?
how can menace
malice
spite
come with a gentle smile?
sarcastic mask, cold mask
how dare you laugh in other's pain?
how dare you propagate
and take pleasure
in people's fall?
you unforgiving, malicious mask
i opened my heart to you
saying, 'you're just a pitiful kid'
but you stretched it
and bruised it
and you maligned it
and poisoned it
with your words
with what you do
with how you treat
those dear to me
HOW DARE YOU?
you hypocritical mask, you twisted mask
how could you call betrayal loyalty?
how could you call the truth a lie?
how could you say that what you do is good
when you do it with lights off and locked doors?
how could you destroy what i love so well?
how could you not let me relish the work of my hands?
how could you attempt to break my spirit?
how could you try to imprison my mind, telling me to simply follow?
how could you clip our wings and push us off the cliff to fly?
how could you want to benefit
from the sweat and blood of people
and chain their feet and hands
telling their minds, 'you won't go anywhere without me'?
HOW DARE YOU!!!
you stupid, stupid person
how can you not see?
how can you not know what you're doing?
how can you not feel?
how can you push me so much
and slowly tear me apart?
is this how you kill dreams?
is this how you steal ambitions?
is this how you destroy minds?
you pathetic, selfish man
the world does not revolve around you
you can only take so much
and i can only give so much
you keep on collecting debts
from people who owe you nothing
you pathetic, pathetic man
how can you even live with yourself?
you said you made a promise
and that you followed it through
what promise?
well i made a promise too,
and i'll make sure to follow it through:
i will not be destroyed.
you pathetic, pitiful child
how do i show you compassion?
how can i stop you from breaking me
without hardening my heart?
how do i keep on giving without lacking?
how can i stand the way you treat my friends,
without my heart growing calloused?
please don't smile at me
because i don't know what that smile means
please don't laugh
because i don't know the cost of that laugh
please don't say nice things to me
because i don't know if they're sincere
for now,
i'll let you reap my tears
if only to save my heart
i'll let you win this battle
if only to win the war
i'll let you delight in our weakness
if only for us to know
that
WE
ARE
TRULY
STRONG.
***
We are pressed down on every side, but not crushed;
perplexed but not in despair;
persecuted but not abandoned;
struck down but not destroyed.
- 2 Corinthians 4:8
You will not have to fight this battle.
Take up your positions; stand firm
and see the deliverance the Lord will give you...
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged
Go out to face them tomorrow
and the Lord will be with you.
- 2 Chronicles 10:17
FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS THE ONE
WHO GOES WITH YOU TO FIGHT
FOR YOU AGAINST YOUR ENEMIES
TO GIVE YOU VICTORY.
- Deuteronomy 20:4
FOR SURE, WE WILL OVERCOME.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Bloom Where You're Planted
"Bloom where you're planted."
Do you remember this?
It was Dr. Fundador who said this during a dorm visit.
She said she'd wanted to be a doctor but she can't because funds were low so instead she pursued a different track, as an educator and her success story is she was able to pursue a PhD, found her passion and became the directress of one of the most prestigious institutions in the country, and 'til date she is continuing to be an educator and I don't think she regretted anything.
Do you remember this?
Do you remember the times when things seemed bleak? When we were starting college, we did not know which way to go? You did not know which college you're attending, i was not sure if i was doing the right thing.
Do you remember 4th year (for me) and 5th year (for you) college? We weren't sure if we were graduating because of uncooperative data? But we did, you even had latin honors to go with it.
Do you remember the times of painfully waiting? Waiting for that next job to come, waiting for things to happen, waiting for things to unfold? Do you remember how it hurt each night, thinking, "is this all there is." Do you remember how uncertain we were of the great, "what now?"
Do you remember how we felt rejected at times? How inadequate and low we felt of ourselves? Do you remember how we felt ugly and unworthy? How we felt less...simply less?
But do you remember, how we surmounted them all? How we crushed all naysayers and purged that little insecure voice within us? Do you remember how we killed lions and bears in anticipation of the giants; and climbed hills, knowing that somewhere along the way we will be facing mountains?
Do you remember how we screamed, "Aja!!!" and said, "No! Hindi ako papayag!" ?
Do you remember when we told our dreams, "Come to me!!! I claim you!!!"?
Do you remember how we laughed at the face of complications and problems saying, "at least, things won't get boring!" and sometimes even saying, "Okay, it's time to level up!"
Do you remember when we said, "ang bumangga giba!" ?
Do you remember how we said that we are the Joshua generation? We are claiming Canaan though Moses wasn't able to cross it.
Do you remember how we said that we are Caleb, we will devour the giants? And on the day that we walk Canaan, we would say, "I am still strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then." I am made for this!
Do you remember how we held on and screamed and ran and fought?
Do you remember that we are warriors and fighters and Nehemiah?
Do you remember how we watched our dreams come to pass because of the Lord's grace?
Do you remember how we were overwhelmed when the Lord showed us that nothing goes to waste, even tears and pain?
I hope you remember because
Fact is: we have never been of those who shrink back and grow weak.
Fact is: we have always managed to pick ourselves up and face things head on.
Fact is: we have always risen, and we will rise again.
Fact is: we have always wanted to finish strong.
Fact is: we have always been water-walkers.
Fact is: we have always looked up.
Fact is: we have always been Queen Esther, somewhere deep inside.
Fact is: though some may not be facts, we will make them facts.
Fact is: we have never been roses - too delicate that it needed thorns.
Because, Truth is: we have always been lilies.
We have always grown no matter the circumstance.
Even Solomon's robes are no match to the beauty of the lilies.
And it just so happens, the most beautiful lilies grow in muddy and murky waters.
And it just so happens that that's where we're in now. LOL! =p
Friday, April 6, 2012
=)
i may not be fire
passionate, all-consuming
but i think
i am a rushing river
constant, ever-flowing
nothing blocks a river's way
stones or dirt
it pushes through
until it meets the ocean
the great unknown
the great source
the great gathering
i may not be fire
rapid, over-the-top
but the silent hum
of the gushing waters
speaks
silence
and quiet confidence
that no matter what
the river will go
on its course
and things will happen
as they should
and it will reach its destination
i may not be fire
causing things to bubble over
but i may be water
calm and steadfast
refreshing
soothing
with wells
and wells
of inner strength
you can try killing rivers
cover them up with dirt
but water, it will trickle somewhere
it will spring out sometime
it will gather its strength
and come back
as a flood
Thursday, March 15, 2012
When Words Flow
in the blur of nothingness
when I have to face myself
trying to determine,
do I like what I see?
am I someone
who has loved
with every inch
of her
being?
have I been someone
who has served
in the ways she
knew how?
can I face
my Creator Father
and say,
My Lord, I have done
my best
with
what You have given me?
in the blur of self-doubt
self-deprecation
self-denigration
have I fought
to not let it
win over me?
have I fought hard enough?
have I held on to worthy things?
have I been stubborn
for the right reasons?
have I stood firm?
when I have staggered
and fallen
have I repeatedly chosen
to
stand
back
up?
screw the bloody hands
screw the broken bones
screw the aching heart
screw the bleeding knees
I. WILL. FIGHT. AGAIN.
if only I could find the fight in me
sometimes, it gets tiring to be strong
and yet, I know, I will regret it
if I refuse to fight for dreams
that gripped me
I will regret not going back
if I have run away
The only reason I can travel far
I can get lost
I can go wherever
is because
I always know
the way
back
home
if I die tomorrow
what apologies will I make?
I will apologize for not having done more
I will apologize for having hurt others
BUT
I will not apologize for having lived
I will not apologize for having breathed and occupied space
I refuse to apologize for taking my chances
I will not apologize for grabbing opportunities given to me
I will not apologize for the consequences
of actions I have done
when I have decided to live
truly, honestly, with all of me
***
if life were a poker game, I only knew one way of playing it - ALL IN.